So I was watching Last Comic Standing tonight and at the commercial breaks, they had these stupid jokes that they asked where you were supposed to send a text message to get the punchline. One of the “jokes” asked “What did the tortilla say when it got to the end of the tightrope?” It didn’t take more than a couple of seconds for me to realize I didn’t even care. Then it started bugging me. What is a tortilla doing on a tightrope anyway? Is this the beginning of a Taco Bell commercial or something?

So the other two jokes they had on the show were dumb and very easily googled:

What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

I just HAD to google the tortilla joke. The only result I came up with was a blog entry asking if anyone new the answer to the joke. Finally after several comments about people saying they ended on the blog because they were looking for the punchline, somebody broke down and paid the dollar to find out. What a disappointment. What an anticlimatic catastrophe. The $1 answer was “tos TADA!” That comment was followed by others who were amazed that they weren’t the only ones googling a punchline to avoid the cost of a text message. Then there were the sympathy comments for losing a dollar so tragically on a painfully stupid punchline.

So there it is. My wife write’s reviews about TV shows on her blog. I write reviews about comments from a blog entry about gimmicks from TV shows.

If there are people willing to pay a dollar for a bad punchline, I think I will try to tap into that market. I’m really good at wasting dollars. If you have ever had buyers remorse from a wasted dollar on a bad text message punchline, send me a dollar instead. Rather than just a punchline, I will gladly send you a report of exactly how I wasted your dollar. If you like the stupid jokes I will text you one of those too. All for just a dollar. I promise it will be more entertaining than the stupid tightrope tortilla joke. This idea would work better if I had more than 2 readers.

I just re-read my blog posting. What a dumb post.

UPDATE: Went a little overboard and registered two new sites. The first is www.tortillajoke.com, dedicated to the stupid tortilla joke that inspired my last couple posts. The other site is www.wasteofadollar.com which will be more about not paying for stupid punchlines in general. Both are still under development but there is a little something on each already. Can’t have too much up there yet. I do still have a day job.

I saw a challenge yesterday called the hundred day challenge. At first it looked like I just needed to come up with something that I have been procrastinating and that I want to get done within 100 days. That’s great. That gives me 97 more days to procrastinate with 3 panic days to accomplish my goal. Sign me up now!

Then I saw the catch. I actually have to work on my goal daily. Where’s the fun in setting a goal for September if I have to work on it in June? Then I realized that I can feel like I’ve already been procrastinating if I just call it my New Year’s Resolution. So here it is: I will have my business working well enough by the end of my 100 days that I can quit my day job.

While it seems like I am already spending every waking hour on my business, I spend almost all of that time working for other people and almost no time making my business profitable. So I am now committing to spend some time every day for 100 days working on something that will bring my business a step closer to allowing me to work just for myself. I’ve got until September 19th. My fabulous wife is working on her own challenge too.

I would have started the challenge yesterday but I had to procrastinate one more day.

Okay so maybe this is a couple days late to bring up Mother’s Day. My sincere apologies to my readers…all 2 of you.

So Mother’s Day morning was supposed to start off well with some Pillsbury Orange Rolls. I cautiously began pulling the strip to open the can. I’m always nervous when I start pulling that strip. I never quite know what will happen. Sometimes I have to pry it open after the strip is removed. Other times right when I start, it feels like I am causing a minor explosion in my kitchen with the force of the can.

So with my safety goggles and helmet on, I opened the can. How do they get that much dough in the can anyway? Maybe they need a bigger can? Maybe less dough? I’ll bet there would be fewer injuries each year from sweet roll can opening if they would just use a bigger can.

Anyway, the dough was not cut all the way through so I couldn’t just separate the rolls and put them in the pan. Fortunately I was prepared for such an incident and had a knife handy. Oddly enough, when I cut the dough, I ended up with 7 rolls, not 8 as advertised on the can. I tried to cut on the almost scored lines. I didn’t think this was all that big of a deal. It was a rough start to Mother’s Day breakfast, but I thought we’d be able to get passed that ok.

Then came the real zinger. When I pulled the rolls out of the oven and opened the icing, I found the 8th roll. My icing container was half filled with raw dough. Thanks a lot for the practical joke, Pillsbury, but it’s a little late for an April Fool’s joke.

I think the evil dough boy stuffed my icing container and is now laughing it up. Well doughboy, I hope you suffer from a yeast infection.